The Guide to Creating Goals

By Fré Sonneveld via Unsplash

Photo by Fré Sonneveld via Unsplash

  • Step One – Have a Goal
  • Step Two – No really, have a tangible goal. “I want to be happy” is probably too vague. Remember that time in 8th grade English, when you called Mrs. Staller a Nazi after she marked down your paper for using passive verbs? I’m going to go there and tell you that you can’t use passive verbs when writing out your goals.
  • Step Three – Act on your goals. Unless you’re living a version of Waiting For Godot or spend your free time embodying “The Dude”, take action to accomplish the things that you want out of life.
  • Step Four – Time Management. I’m still trying to find a way around this, but everyone gets all edgy when I ask to borrow a flux capacitor. So in the meantime, I plan out goals for the day, for the week, and for the month.
By Sonja Langford via Unsplash

By Sonja Langford via Unsplash

  • Step Five – Take yourself seriously. Ultimately your life is up to you. No one’s input or opinion will make your choices for you, so listen to yourself, what you want, what you need. This is why you’re taking active steps to get there.
  • Step Six – Stop being afraid of making the wrong choices. Just make choices and, at least, you’ll narrow down the things you don’t want. I personally don’t make ANY wrong choices. That’s because I don’t make choices. And we’re seeing how well that’s turning out for me… soooo
  • Step Seven – Turn off that negative voice in your head. Because you’re being borderline schizophrenic and it’s frightening me. Alright, fine. I hear it sometimes too, saying you can’t do it, that you should wait to do it, that it’s not the right time to try… I call B.S.
  • Step Eight – Be Realistic. Don’t set yourself up for failure, unless that’s your goal (because failure is familiar and you’re ridiculously good at being miserable). Instead, go slow and steady to win the race.
  • Step Nine – Be Kind to Other People. Be happy for their successes and let it motivate you.
  • Step Ten – Be Kind to Yourself. You floozy. Look at you. Living your life. What will people say?

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